Home
by Lizwontcry
Summary: After his decade of servitude to Klaus, Stefan comes back to Mystic Falls and has a heart to heart with Elena about life, love, and Damon. And he learns he can never go home again.


**A/N - I honestly have no idea where this one came from and it didn't turn out the way I expected it to. But I like it and I hope you do, too. Thanks for reading!**

**I should probably warn you that this one is somewhat dark and not particularly an easy road for Stefan. So if you want** a happy ending for him, this is not the story for you.

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><p>"I've been expecting you."<p>

Her voice was like a siren song in his head. He couldn't believe how comforting it was to hear those words come out of her familiar mouth. Oh, her mouth. His very essence missed that mouth.  
>Stefan cleared his throat. "Um, can I come in?"<p>

Elena chuckled. She forgot. "Oh, um...Stefan Salvatore, would you like to enter my house?"

"I would love to," he said, and she opened the door wider for him. There was no hug, no embrace, no touching. He didn't expect there to be, but it still stung.

Elena's house was small; much smaller than the one she grew up in. But it was cozy, just like she was. He wanted to see every part of it; he wanted to see every part of her. He wanted to know her again. But first there were things to talk about. So many things.

"Well, sit down," Elena said, looking at him only somewhat curiously. "I guess you're here for a reason."

Stefan nodded and found a seat on her comfortable black couch in what he presumed was the living room. The house was quiet; he wasn't used to such quietness in Elena's presence. Usually there were best friends or brothers or parental figures or...Damon.

While Elena settled herself into a love seat directly opposite of him, he took a second to study her. She was 27 years old now and still the attractive girl he used to know. But now that she was a young woman, she was even more beautiful. Her hair was shorter, but it hung down in waves that perfectly framed her face. Her eyes were like beacons to his soul; still sparking after all these years. And she was a bit curvier in all the right places. He wished it was 10 years ago. He wished he could sweep her up and take her to the bedroom and kiss her all over. But he knew that ship had sailed and that would no longer be an option. Although he'd known that for a long time, it felt like a huge part of him died-the part of him that used to believe that, although he was a vampire, he could still find happiness. That part of him was dead and would unlikely never be resurrected.

"Elena...I don't even know where to start."

"Do you really want to do this?" She asked. "It's been a long time. I don't know if we need to do this."

Other than the one phone call Klaus graciously allowed him, he hadn't spoken to Elena Gilbert in 10 years, 2 months, 3 days, 12 hours, and 16 minutes. He thought about her every single day. Sometimes he wondered if he was thinking about her, or if he was thinking about Katherine. After a while, he figured it was both of them, and neither of them.

"I feel like I owe you an explanation. I know you probably don't want to hear it, but I owe it to you."

Elena sighed. "Okay. Why don't you start with the night you sacrificed everything for Damon? Wait, how about I tell _you_ what happened? Damon and I searched for you for months. We looked in every dirty, disgusting corner of the country to find you. Every time we'd get a lead, we'd rush to find you only to find out you'd left five minutes earlier. Meanwhile, almost every day on the news there would be a story about more and more vicious animal attacks until finally people just didn't care anymore. That was about the time Damon and I just stopped looking. I had to take my senior year over again in school. Bonnie and Caroline graduated and went to college and I was all alone. Everyone wondered where you were. Damon and I came up with a story about how you couldn't take the pressures of high school and life in general and you just ended it all. Yes, that's how bad it was."

"I'm so sorry," he said, his soul crushing with despair. "You know, it wasn't easy for me, either. Being away from you, not knowing if anyone was protecting you...it was so hard. But what could I do, Elena? Let Damon die? Klaus had the cure, I needed to get the cure. I did what I had to do, because that's what brothers do for each other. I was hoping that somewhere inside you, through all these years, you would have come to peace with that."

"Oh, I have," Elena said, softening. "After losing you and Jenna and everyone else, I didn't think I was going to make it. It was so hard. And knowing you were out there with Klaus, not able to do anything about it, it killed me. I couldn't imagine everything you were going through. Having no choice in the matter. Being bound to Klaus. But I also knew you were getting something you needed. Stefan, I know you have a dark side. I know it's a constant battle to deny that dark side. So yes...essentially, part of me missed you so much I couldn't even handle it. But the other part of me was glad you were gone. I was glad you were getting it out of your system. I was glad you were finally getting back to the basics of yourself."

He nodded. "I understand completely. It was a difficult situation and I will never be able to express how sorry I am."

The two of them quietly contemplated that for a moment. Elena tucked an errant hair behind her ear and Stefan's chest hurt with the familiar gesture. She was so beautiful. And he ruined it all.

"Well...before I go, tell me about your life. What have you been doing? Why did you decide to stay in Mystical Falls?"

"I didn't stay in Mystic Falls," Elena said. "I left. For a long time. After I finally completed my senior year, I went to Tulane in New Orleans. I lived there for almost six years. My major was creative writing, which might have been determined useless, but I was determined. I don't know if you've...seen my books or whatever, but I make a decent living as an author."

Stefan nodded, not wanting to admit that yes, he'd read all three books she'd written. The first one was technically romantic fiction about a mythological vampire, but it so perfectly detailed their life together that he almost wanted to ask for royalties. And he might have, if the book hadn't so thoroughly broken his heart. The second and the third books were pure fiction and not based on their life together, but he thought he could still make out some of his characteristics in her romantic leading men. But maybe he just wanted to see that. Maybe he couldn't stand the thought that Elena could love anyone else as much as she loved him.

There was something else he needed to know. For the last decade he tried not to think about it too much-_needed_to not think about it-but now it was time to face the music.

"New Orleans, Tulane...that all sounds like something..."

Elena nodded. "Yes, Stefan. Damon came with me. It was mostly for protection, but it was also for comfort. And, well, I don't think you want to know-"

"Tell me. Tell me everything. And where is he now?"

Elena inhaled, exhaled, took a sip from her water bottle. He assumed there was a healthy amount of vervain in that water. Just because.

"The night you sacrificed yourself for Damon, I was with him, as you knew. We didn't know you were going to find a cure. And when I thought he was on the brink of death, many things suddenly became clear to me. He said some things to me; a last confession. And I discovered that even though I loved you with all of my heart, I had those same feelings for Damon. And I had for a while. Then Katherine came in with the cure and she said something that really resonated with me. I did-do-love both of you. In very different ways, but it's still love. And it's not platonic or friendly. It's romantic love, Stefan. So...we explored it. And he-are you sure you want to hear this?"

Stefan nodded grimly. He deserved it.

"So he was always there for me when I needed someone. I loved him, Stefan. He was my rock. He was everything I ever needed. We went to New Orleans because he thought I would love it there. And I did. Those four years of college with Damon and the friends I made...I never thought I'd be happy again when you left, but I was happy. Pure happiness."

"So what happened?" He asked reluctantly.

Elena bit her lip. He knew she was trying not to cry.

"He tried so hard, Stefan. For me. I always knew it was probably impossible for him to spend his life one way for over a hundred years and then change just because he loved me. But he did, for a long time. Six months or so after I graduated, he started going out for longer and longer periods of time. I was writing my novel and I didn't want to notice what was happening. But he fell. Stefan, Damon fell hard. All his old habits started again and I was powerless to stop it. Not even his all encompassing love for me could stop him. And...he got mixed up with a bad dude. Another vampire. His name was Herbert. The two of them terrorized New Orleans for like a year before it all came to a head."

Stefan couldn't believe what he was hearing.

"What happened, Elena? Just tell me what the hell happened to my brother."

Elena shook her head. "I don't know, exactly. The details aren't important. Damon was staked. He died, Stefan. Nothing could bring him back. I even flew Bonnie in to help and she couldn't do anything. He died and didn't come back and I was alone again. I'm sorry you didn't know...it was about two years ago. I didn't have any way to contact you."

"I can't believe it...I don't even know what to say."

"I know what you want to say. You miss your brother. You'd do anything for him. You're devastated he's gone. And you're even more pissed that you wasted ten years of your life making a sacrifice for him when it turns out, he was just going to abuse it and throw it all away."

She was, as usual, right on the money.

"How could he have been so stupid? What was he thinking?"

Elena shook her head. "I had to stop asking myself that or I'd go crazy. I mourned him. It was hard but it was never completely unexpected. After a few more months in New Orleans, I came back here. Caroline moved back after graduating from Duke. She's a teacher at the high school, can you believe it? She and Alaric, well...that's another story entirely. Bonnie and Jeremy moved to New York City. She's trying to be an actress. He's a music producer. You know, we've all moved on with our lives. We have hobbies and interests and not everything revolves around those vampires we used to know. Caroline's come into her own with the whole vampire thing. You'd be proud of her. You know, it's hard sometimes, but we have each other. I miss Damon every single day. I used to miss you every day, too, but...I stopped. I think of you a lot, but in the scheme of things, you were a guy I dated when I was a teenager who broke my heart. Who doesn't have a story like that?"

Stefan was completely broken. His brother was dead. The love of his life had moved on. What was left? Was there anything left? He still had one more question.

"Have you heard from Katherine?"

Elena shrugged. "She comes by from time to time but she means no harm. She's mostly just drawn to this place; can't escape it. But Stefan, the last time she came around, she mentioned Elijah was looking for you and Klaus. It took him a lot longer than he anticipated to come back after his last death, but he did it. And he's pissed. So I probably wouldn't stick around much longer if I were you."

He should have taken that as a cue to leave, but he couldn't resist asking, "I don't suppose there's a chance..."

Elena smiled sadly. She got up from her perch and sat down next to him on the couch. Just being that close to her made him so profoundly sad, he didn't even know how to deal with it.

"Stefan...I loved you once upon a time. It was a fierce, intoxicating, crazy all consuming kind of love. And even if I thought I could open my heart again like that, which I don't think I could, well...you just spent the last decade of your life murdering innocent people with an insane werewolf-vampire hybrid. I can't welcome you back into my life. I can't do it."

Stefan nodded again. He had to get out of this place. Everything about her was killing him slowly.

"Okay. I get it. I wish I could change everything. I wish we were living together in some villa in Italy. I wish I never agreed to Klaus' demands. I wish-"

Elena put her finger on his lips. He gasped. "I know. Stefan...we met and we talked and it was epic, but then the sun came up and reality set in. You know that. I'm sorry it had to be this way. But it is. Maybe in our next lives..."

Stefan smiled. He wanted to hug her. And kiss her. And be with her forever. But it was time to go.

"Good bye, Elena. I'm sorry."

"I know. I'm sorry, too."

She took his hand for a moment and they shared a glance that might have been meaningful once upon a time but now meant nothing. But he couldn't help but notice the ring on her finger. He touched it softly, and was satisfied that Elena looked jolted by the feeling of his finger on her skin.

"It was Damon's," she said. "But of course you know that. I wear it to keep part of him alive. It...it helps me."

Well, that was a dagger to the heart. Now it was really time to go.

He followed her to the door. One tiny shred of his heart hoped she would give him a hug after all. She didn't. He walked out on his life forever. There was no hope left.

It was dark now, and he walked down the sidewalks of Mystic Falls thinking about how it all went so wrong. It wasn't supposed to be this way.

A car pulled up beside him. He looked up. The driver rolled down the window.

"Was it everything you dreamed about and more?" Klaus asked, a strange, obnoxious grin taking over his face.

"No. It wasn't." God, he hated Klaus. He hated him with everything he could ever be. But he was also drawn to the guy. Stefan wasn't sure he could actually live without him after all this time. It was like Klaus now owned his soul. And he knew it, too.

Klaus nodded. "I'm not surprised. Things never go the way we planned. Well...are you up for another decade of frivolity? Maybe this time you can finally turn off those ol' emotions, eh, mate?"

Stefan didn't even need to think about it. "Fine." He crossed the street and got into Klaus' car. If Elena wasn't his future, he didn't need a future. He was Klaus' puppet for good now. The two of them would rove the dark corners of the earth until the end of time. Death would be too good for him. It wasn't punishment enough for Stefan. So he sat back, closed his eyes, and went wherever Klaus was taking him.

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><p>Elena closed the door and took a moment to collect herself. She'd been expecting him for quite a while and now he was gone. It was a huge relief, and not just a little bit sad. He'd been good to her once upon a time. But that was a long time ago. He made his choices and she made hers. It was just the way things had to be.<p>

A pair of strong arms wrapped themselves around her and she smiled. "That was hard," she said. "Harder than I thought. But at least it's over now."

Damon turned her around and kissed her softly. Oh, how she adored his kisses.

"I know. But it was necessary," he said after releasing her from the kiss.

"I know. Tell me again why it was necessary?" They'd been over this many times, but she just needed to hear it again.

"The second Elijah finds out Stefan's back, he'd make all of our lives a living hell. Nobody would be safe. And you know it would be hard...for us. To be together with him around."

"I do," she said softly. "It's just..."

"I know. He's my brother, Elena. It's hard for me, too. But don't you think it's weird that he didn't even notice how you've changed?"

"Yes, of course I did. How could he not tell? Isn't it obvious?"

"People only see what they want to see," Damon said sadly. "Stefan isn't himself anymore. A decade of turning off your conscience will do that to a person. Oh, I have to ask...Herbert? Herbert the vampire, huh? If I see any vicious vampires named Herbert, I'll be sure to run away as fast as I can."

She punched him in the arm and giggled. "Come on! It was the only name I could think of. I'm a terrible liar."

"Yes, yes you are. But I love you anyway. Now come on, I'm hungry." He held up a fresh bag of blood and she licked her lips. He took out a straw and they walked to the kitchen and shared the bag. When they were satiated and full, he led her into the bedroom and everything went black in an explosion of passion and relief.

This was not how Elena saw her life at 17 years old. But people change and she changed. For him. For Damon. They had eternity together, and the thought didn't scare her as much as it did when she was a teenager.

Before drifting off to sleep, Damon kissed her softly and said, "Good night." Elena smiled and thought about the first time she kissed him. The first kiss was because she thought he was going to die. And the last kiss-well, there would be no last kiss. That was the best part of forever.


End file.
